Harry's Stag Night
by BLAHBLAHXO
Summary: Harry is going on his Stag night with some old friends. what will happen. Sneak: 'I'm not pished' Shot at humor. Will he remember that his wife to be has a temper to match a dragon. ONESHOT H.G and R.Hr please review don't own it. Thanks Su for betaing


A/N: Hey, this is my attempt at mild humor, (First time I've ever asked this!) Please review and tell me what you think, should I stick to what I usually write or should I try and do more one-shots like this? Anyway, I'll update the Strangest Love soon. Bye.

Disclaimer – don't own it and can't own it (JKR keeps refusing my offer of taking it off her hands, wonder why?)

Harry Potter sat on his bed thinking about when he had defeated Voldemort, and how he was getting married in the morning. He had proposed to his wife a year after the war had finished and no further mention of Death Eaters was heard. She had said yes instantly. So now Harry Potter was going to marry Ginny Weasley tomorrow morning, and he was getting ready for his stag night. He just prayed that wizard stag nights were different than Muggle stag nights, as he didn't fancy being tied to a lamp post in the nude for all the world to see.

He sighed; he was going to see some old friends tonight, many of which he had stopped talking to before seventh year, although not by choice. Many parents didn't think it was safe for their children to return to Hogwarts after Dumbledore's death and they didn't want to send their children to school with a crazed freak who insisted every other year that Voldemort was back.

He checked the time and swore; he was going to be late. He pulled a red shirt on along with black pants and Accioed his shoes. Running from the room he kissed his wife-to-be goodbye and Apparated to The Three Broomsticks, the first stop of the night.

He walked over to the table where all his friends sat and looked around at them; many of theh faces were ones he hadn't seen for over two years. Especially Seamus Finnegan—his mother had thought Harry was mad to think Voldemort could be back, but they had all learned the hard way when Voldemort literally strolled into the Ministry itself. Harry was willing to put the past behind him as long as everyone else was.

"Hey, Harry. Nice to see you again." Seamus waved when he finally noticed Harry.

"Yeah, you too, mate. Long time no see." Harry smiled back. Ron just smirked and pulled out a chair for Harry and passed him a drink of Firewhiskey. Harry sat down and looked at the drink as though it had blamed him for murder.

" I can't drink that! Ginny will kill me! I like my life. And she'll kill all of you for letting me drink!" Harry shrieked. He'd been warned when he began to get ready that evening that if he had even the slightest hangover in the morning, he would no longer be able to produce miniature Potters.

"Harry, don't worry. I have Sobering Solution in my trunk. Just remind me about it," Ron said, pushing the Firewhiskey nearer to Harry.

Harry sighed and took a large gulp but instantly regretted it. He felt his face heat up and his throat was burning like someone had thrust a flame down it.

"Hey, look, he can handle Voldemort but he can't handle his Firewhiskey," Dean Thomas laughed.

Harry gave Dean the best glare he could without choking; this made the group laugh harder.

After the group had drunk enough to make them wobble, they moved on to the next pub, the Leaky Cauldron. As they walked in, Tom the barkeeper bowed to Harry and offered him an assortment of food and drink. When Harry had finally ordered everyone's drinks and found a table they noticed it was getting late. Harry was becoming bored with just sitting around in pubs drinking and wanted to do something more, so in the end they managed to get to a Muggle club and proceeded to do karaoke. Harry sang _I Will Survive _by Gloria Gaynor.

By this time the boys had drunk a lot and had even tried a few Muggle drinks. Harry's throat still burned when he thought about Firewhiskey; his vision began to go blurry and he forgot how to talk at one point, but he refused point-blank to admit that he was drunk.

"I'm not pished," were his exact words.

"Did you just say 'I'm not pished'?" Ron asked with a grin.

"No! I said I'm not pished…oh, bugger you!" Harry slurred back.

"Okay, mate, whatever you say," Dean laughed.

Dean, Seamus, Ron, and Neville burst out laughing at Harry's confused look. Harry just scowled the best he could and left through the door. Ron and the other lads quickly followed him and walked into another club.

"Harry, as much as I love to be drunk, we don't want Ginny to know you drank too much, now do we?" Ron asked, trying to reason with Harry.

"No. Do you know who I'm marrying? God save me! She'll kill me, and damn me if she ever gets pregnant. She gets real moody on that monthly thing—whatever that is—imagine her like that for nearly a year! She'll finish me off!" Harry shrieked.

Ron just glared at him. "Hey, that's my sister you're talking about. I feel so sorry for you, mate. If I were you, I'd run now!"

"Good idea. Let's go to…wait, where shall we go?" Seamus asked, looking puzzled.

"I know, lets go to Hogwarts!" Ron shouted.

"Yeah, I'm sure McGonagall is lonely," Harry giggled. " I mean, with Dumbledore gone and all."

The boys all agreed and apparated to Hogsmeade Village. Harry wanted to go to Honeydukes at one point, and it took all four lads to persuade him against it.

"Harry, you'll get in trouble—they'll hear the break-in!" Ron whispered melodramatically

Harry cocked his head to the side and nodded. They walked to Hogwarts—well, Harry tried crawling but it didn't work too well, considering it was the other lads who kept pulling him up.

They finally reached the gates and began to bang on them, singing off-key.

"I'm getting married in the mooooorrrrnnniiiing."

"Mr Potter, why are you howling like an injured cat? And what the hell are you doing here?" McGonagall asked as she walked to the gates.

"Professor, you have to help us. It's Ginny. She'll—she'll murder me. I can't marry her, I don't want to die," Harry sobbed to his old Headmistress.

"Potter, what on earth are you talking about?" McGonagall asked, trying to get her head around what was going on. Just last week he'd been over the moon about getting married.

"Ssssh! She might hear you! I don't want her to get pregnant, she'll get moody and kill me if I do something wrong," Harry whined again.

"Just how much have you drunk?" McGonagall asked, finding the situation rather funny.

"I'm not pished, if that's what you think. I'm not, honest. I only drank three bottles of Firewhiskey and a few Muggle drinks and shots," Harry tried to reason.

"Only? My god, lad, I'm surprised you don't have alcohol poisoning. I'm going to have to owl Miss Weasley to let her know where you are," McGonagall told them, having a hard time keeping her laughter in.

"Who's 'Miss Weasley'? I recognise that name," Harry said wonderingly.

"You should recognise it—it's your future wife's name."

"Damn! I knew it rang a bell. Wait. No, don't tell her. I'll end up in Davy Jones's locker. I wonder why it's Davy's. Why not Dean's or Seamus's?" Harry said, going off the topic.

"Mr Potter, go home. You can't stay here. This is the first place she'll look, after what Mr Weasley did. Was it his idea to come here again? It was a bit stupid really, the night before your wedding and you came here—Miss Granger knew exactly where to find you!" McGonagall told them in her most strict voice.

"Nooooooo, please. Don't want to die. She'll murder me. What if I don't want to go, what will you do then? Ha-ha, got you there, haven't I, Minnie?" Harry said with a smug look on his face.

"No, I'll go and Floo Ginny now, then, should I? And she can come to fetch you?" McGonagall threatened.

"Please, can we just sleep in the common room tonight?" Ron asked

"Oh, fine then. Get in, but keep it down." McGonagall sighed.

"Yay! Thank you, Professor," Harry said to McGonagall, giving her a hug.

Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville dragged themselves into Hogwarts and began to walk up the stairs. By the second step on the first floor they all decided it would be easier to crawl. At this McGonagall burst out laughing.

After the common room door was shut, Harry pulled out some more bottles of Firewhiskey and all the boys cheered.

After all the Firewhiskey was gone, all the lads burst into song once again

"I'm getting married in the moooorning! Dingy dong!  
The beeelllls are gonna chime. Pull out the stopper!  
Let's have a whopper! But get me to the church on time!  
I gotta be there in the mornin'  
Spruced up and lookin' in me prime,"

Harry sang at the top of his voice.

Ron covered his ears to block the wailing that issued from Harry's mouth; it was horrendous. He was screeching out lyrics like there was no tomorrow.

"Harry, get up. Ginny's coming to get you in a minute," Ron shouted into Harry's ear. He had been shouting at Harry for the last half hour and he still hadn't shifted.

"HARRY! Get your backside out of that bed now, or you'll regret it," Ron warned.

Harry didn't move.

"Right, that's it. Dean, get plan B sorted," Ron shouted down the stairs.

"Will do," Dean replied.

"Dean says it's done," Neville shouted up the stairs.

"Thanks, Neville," Ron shouted back. "Harry, please forgive me and don't have a heart attack," Ron whispered to him whilst levitating him out the door. When Ron reached his destination, he dropped Harry…into a bath of freezing cold water.

"Argh, bloody hell! I'm up! Merlin," Harry shivered.

"Here, drink this," Ron told him, passing him a Sobering Potion.

"Thanks, mate," Harry said, taking the potion off Ron and downing the lot.

"Get dry and dressed. Ginny's coming up to drop off your clothes," Ron told him.

"Oh, damn. I forgot it was today. What the hell did we do last night? I don't remember a thing," Harry said, massaging his head.

Ron just shot a look at the other three and shook his head.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, mate," he told him, chuckling

Harry seemed to believe him. He climbed out of the bath with his pajamas sticking to him from the water and shivered. He shook his head in the direction of his friends just to get them wet as payback. He then took out his wand, dried himself, and stalked off to his room.

"Okay, now we have to make sure that Ginny's okay and Harry doesn't see her. It's bad luck," Ron said.

Harry was finally dressed in casual wear and walked downstairs only to see that his wedding clothes were laid out on a chair.

"Ronald, get your big butt in here now!" Harry shouted. When Ron came down, Harry just stared at him.

"Why didn't you tell me Ginny was here?" he asked Ron.

"It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride on the wedding day," Ron said simply, then walked back out to continue his own preparations.

Harry watched Ron walk out of the room and then picked up his clothes and went to his room to get ready.

All the lads were now ready. Harry was pacing around attempting to flatten his hair, to no avail. In the end he gave up and sat down.

"You ready for this?" Ron asked him.

"Yeah, I love her," Harry replied, then walked out to secure his life.

Fin…


End file.
